Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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