Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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