You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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