your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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