My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
