Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
