What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
