please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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