After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
