mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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