I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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