I'm gonna have a badass scar
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
