im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Randomize
