I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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