i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
