That's when you crack a 10am beer
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
