Michael Bay diarrhea
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
