If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
