what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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