I think my fart just growled at me.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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