I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
