Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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