i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
