Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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