imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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