is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
