got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
