2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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