its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
