Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
