Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
