I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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