im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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