the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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