Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
