God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
