I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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