The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
