i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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