She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
