This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
