Do you still have your period?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
