I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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