if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Couch. On fire.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
