Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
You can't motorboat a personality
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
