she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
