Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
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