walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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