all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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