i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
