Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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