Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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