Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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