I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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