The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
