I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
