Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
